Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
