Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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