wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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