My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
