she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
