he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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