watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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