he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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