I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
