You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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