Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
