I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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