belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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