I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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