Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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