Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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