How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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