No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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