I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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