so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
