Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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