I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
