I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
