He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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