look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
