my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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