I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
