How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
