weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
