3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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