I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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