you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
