Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
