AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
