Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
