wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
