I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
