I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
