currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
false alarm, still single
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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