WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
