suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
