he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I didn't notice because vodka
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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