We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were trust falling into bushes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
