I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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