Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
