I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
