the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
