Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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