When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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