So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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