My nipple is on Facebook.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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