somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
