i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
