This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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