i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
