I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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