I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
