thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
