saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
