loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
