I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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