it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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