16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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