So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
