So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
