I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
