whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
