If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
