Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
where are you?
Hypothermia
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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