I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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