Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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