someone get that fucking seahorse.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
soo... how was my night?
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