Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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